Lady Lazarus

by Sylvia Plath

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it--

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face a featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?--

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot--
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart--
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash--
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there--

A cake of soap, 
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

23-29 October 1962

Daddy 

You do not do, you do not do 

Any more, black shoe 

In which I have lived like a foot 

For thirty years, poor and white, 

Barely daring to breathe or Achoo. 

Daddy, I have had to kill you. 

You died before I had time--- 

Marble-heavy, a bag full of God, 

Ghastly statue with one gray toe 

Big as a Frisco seal 

And a head in the freakish Atlantic 

Where it pours bean green over blue 

In the waters off the beautiful Nauset. 

I used to pray to recover you. 

Ach, du. 

In the German tongue, in the Polish town 

Scraped flat by the roller 

Of wars, wars, wars. 

But the name of the town is common. 

My Polack friend 

Says there are a dozen or two. 

So I never could tell where you 

Put your foot, your root, 

I never could talk to you. 

The tongue stuck in my jaw. 

It stuck in a barb wire snare. 

Ich, ich, ich, ich, 

I could hardly speak. 

I thought every German was you. 

And the language obscene 

An engine, an engine, 

Chuffing me off like a Jew. 

A Jew to Dachau, Auschwitz, Belsen. 

I began to talk like a Jew. 

I think I may well be a Jew. 

The snows of the Tyrol, the clear beer of Vienna 

Are not very pure or true. 

With my gypsy ancestress and my weird luck 

And my Taroc pack and my Taroc pack 

I may be a bit of a Jew. 

I have always been sacred of you, 

With your Luftwaffe, your gobbledygoo. 

And your neat mustache 

And your Aryan eye, bright blue. 

Panzer-man, panzer-man, O You---- 

Not God but a swastika 

So black no sky could squeak through. 

Every woman adores a Fascist, 

The boot in the face, the brute 

Brute heart of a brute like you. 

You stand at the blackboard, daddy, 

In the picture I have of you, 

A cleft in your chin instead of your foot 

But no less a devil for that, no not 

Any less the black man who 

Bit my pretty red heart in two. 

I was ten when they buried you. 

At twenty I tried to die 

And get back, back, back to you. 

I thought even the bones would do. 

But they pulled me out of the sack, 

And they stuck me together with glue. 

And then I knew what to do. 

I made a model of you, 

A man in black with a Meinkampf look 

And a love of the rack and the screw. 

And I said I do, I do. 

So daddy, I'm finally through. 

The black telephone's off at the root, 

The voices just can't worm through. 

If I've killed one man, I've killed two--- 

The vampire who said he was you 

And drank my blood for a year, 

Seven years, if you want to know. 

Daddy, you can lie back now. 

There's a stake in your fat black heart 

And the villagers never liked you. 

They are dancing and stamping on you. 

They always knew it was you. 

Daddy, daddy, you bastard, I'm through.

 

This photo was taken about halfway through my walk. As I was walking, I kept looking around and realizing that I live in one of the most beautiful places in Washington. Every time I take walks like this, I am completely amazed by the work God has created. I mean, look around! The horses in this picture function in their own form. They have a small intestine that is 70+ feet long, almost as long as my old house! I am constantly thinking about how amazing this world is! 

 

I could not be more thankful to live out in the country where it is quite and relaxing. This picture is remarkable. Looking at it, I feel free. I love the sun on a cold day, taking a walk past huge pastures full of horses and cows. The green grass and the blue sky are amazing.

 

First of all, I love my town. Second of all, I never knew this sign was here... I drive on this road a few times a month yet I never knew about this sign. My best guess is that I was just driving and forgetting about the beautiful surroundings around me. I find it remarkable how when you take the time to walk and think about everything around you, you see so much more. You actually begin to think of the complex world we live in. 

 

Took my little buddy with me. This is Finnegan, everyone. He is my renter's dog whom I take care of when they go on vacations. I have never had a dog of my own so I am very grateful to be able to take care of them. It is remarkable how fast this dog can drag me down the road... 

 

The very beginning of our little trip! This picture is the very start of my driveway and has been the same for 17 1/2 years. My entire life has been on this road. This is remarkable for me. I have lived in the same exact area my whole life. Leaving for college will be a huge change for me. Every time I come home, this road will be more significant and meaningful. I cannot imagine life away from this property. The night is always a soft pitch black and after so many years, this is where I feel comfortable and safe.  

 

My little walking buddy <3

 

This photo was at the beginning of my day, right before my walk. The fog was extremely thick and it was about 32 degrees outside of the car. Driving my car, all I could think about was how happy I am whenever I have to drive in my jeep. That vehicle is one of my prized possessions. I find it remarkable how God has made our minds to progress and continue learning. We have gone from the days in the time of Jesus to the generations of change and technology.

 

This girl was the very end of my walk. She never fails to bring a smile to my face and I always love to see her. This is my horse Angel. What is truly remarkable is how far she has come in the past year and a half that I have had her. She is the sweetest, most loving horse I have ever been near and she puts up with everything: balloons tied to her halter, running through water, everything you could possibly imagine. I trust this horse with my life and I have never been nervous to get on her or be around her. I mean, look at that precious face! I am always amazed by how respectful she is towards me. What is crazy is how humans have domesticated these animals. I can never wrap my mind around how a wild animal has been contained and used by human beings. Incredible.